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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?